The bad movie is a delightful genre. For one thing, it is an almost never ending source of examples. Just a brief trip to a video rental store (remember those?) will confirm this. Secondly, a truly awful movie is always cheap. Odd how it works, but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of price-leverage when it comes to copies of horrible movies (The Matrix Revolutions is on Netflix).
But the best thing about the bad movie is how it always brings together its audience. I rarely see a unity as strong as the kind that exists between two or three people who are panning a film. There is just something about that shared conviction of utter worthlessness; that feeling of being personally attacked by a movie’s ineptness and repaying with an eviscerating verbal volley. I have personally entered a film with companions with whom I wasn’t comfortable, only to discover that they shared my distaste, and thus an instant and unbreakable connection was formed.
This is an experience worth having. And to that end, I recommend to you 3 movies so achingly bad, you will laugh and jeer your way to an enjoyable evening. So gather your buddies, cook enough popcorn to eat and to throw, and get a load of these turkeys:
I went into this film having read about how awful it was. And I was not disappointed. Shymalan has made several films I admire (Sixth Sense and Unbreakable especially), but this mess fails on just about every level. The special effects were shot for 3D, which results in a blurry, murky smorgasbord of inane CGI. But the acting is what takes this film to another level of lousy. Even if you manage to understand the plot (no mean feat), several key actors look hopelessly bored or confused. I’ll admit that it’s been a while since I watched this one, but I remember watching with a friend and laughing non-stop. Highly recommended.
2) Christmas With the Kranks
This holiday anticlassic remains the worst film I’ve ever seen in a theater. It stars Tim Allen, an actor that I often enjoy. This “comedy” is a complete disaster in the writing and editing departments. The jokes fall totally flat. The producers obviously banked on the audience finding the plot hysterical. Ready? Ok…a middle aged couple decide to “skip Christmas” and take a cruise, only to discover at the last second their daughter is coming home for the holidays. Side-splitting, right? It’s as bad as you think. Watch it with some hot chocolate, but not too much; you might need something stronger along the way.
3) Red Zone Cuba
This is positively, without a doubt, 100%, no questions asked, the worst movie I’ve ever seen. It was made famous by Mystery Science Theater (one of their great all time episodes). The non-MST version is available somewhere online. It’s worth the effort: I guarantee you, you’ve never seen anything like it. I’ll sum it up quickly: A gang of 4 invade the Bay of Pigs to overthrow Castro. Yes. You read that correctly. One of my personal favorite moments involve an interior shot of the characters in an airplane. You can see clearly that rain is falling on the window, and thunder roars. Yet the camera suddenly cuts to an exterior shot of the plane in flight, and it’s gorgeous! That’s just one example, folks. You will laugh your head off at this one. I’ve actually watched this with people who needed some time to recover; there’s an aggressiveness to its idiocy that takes a strong constitution.